Do you ever experience profuse sweating when confronted by your boss in the hallway about a meeting you missed?
Do you ever break out with hives when your partner taps her foot at being late for your very important date?
Do you ever feel like you are going to vomit when your mom berates you for not calling her sooner?
Well, dear human, you might be suffering from cognitive "explanation syndrome".
You need "Explain Away", the miracle herbal medicine you have been waiting for! It cures you from ever having to explain anything to anyone anywhere ever again.
And this miracle medicine is only effective, dear one, once you have taken a dose of "Discover Within" paired with another amazing wonder herb called "Curiosity".
So read that "Dear Human" chapter first ... as soon as I post it ... meanwhile ...
The only person who thinks you are "owed" an explanation is you. Conversely, the only person who thinks they are "owed" an explanation is the other person. You might as well be talking into a mirror.
We humans tend to do that, mirror each other.
Explaining is one of those behaviors, dear one, that humans were "taught", or "conditioned", into us from society.
Because explaining solves everything.
Explaining comes from an urge to justify a choice or an event that transpired. What is occurring in reality is that your choice or event has an impact; on you and in the world. You may feel "guilty" and the other person may feel "angry" by this impact.
Explaining does nothing but diminish you and the other person.
What does something is integrity to self and integrity for impact. Yes, dear human, you have an impact in every moment; every word, every action creates an impact on you and in the world.
Integrity means "wholeness", the state of being whole and undivided.
Integrity to self + Agreements are the cure to explaining dear human.
“Why do I feel the need or urge to explain myself to people (or myself)?” … “What would it mean for me to live 'whole and undivided'?” ... Pause and listen for the “answer” that comes from the integration of your Whole self (your body, heart and mind). Examine the conditioning you received in life that makes you think you need to explain anything. Journal on this.
Whenever you hear someone say, "it is only the decent thing to do" you know you are in a moral trap. One that society conditioned you to react to by "explaining" yourself to the other person.
And you are someone to operate from wholeness and completeness, right, dear human? You are someone that honors yourself and Life. That being the case …
Here is the answer to this statement or question from anyone wanting you to explain anything..
See what happens when you don't. I guarantee you it will be fun ... for you. I find it playfully, delightfully, mischievously freeing.
Agreements are your super power tool dear human. Agreements are something you say you will or will not do (with yourself and another human).
The structure for Agreements:
Responses to making Agreements are either a Yes, No, Counter (for a shift in the agreement).
Agreements are either explicit or implicit ... Make all Agreements explicit
Keep your agreements ... and when you don't (because "life happens")
Communicate that you are not going to keep your agreement in the moment ... and when you don't
Communicate the impact on you and the other person for not keeping your agreement
Restore integrity of self and the relationship by taking responsibility
Make a new agreement ... Yes, No, Counter (shift)
Say out loud to yourself ... "Ahhhhhhh, I don't have to explain anything to anyone, ever again ... sweet!"
Take a dose of "explain away" and start making clear concise agreements with self and with others.