Hey Dear Humans. Let’s start with what some may call a “radical” or “bold” statement, shall we? I like to be “real” and “pragmatic” here and frankly I think you “deserve” the straight talk.
Every relationship you have now or have ever had is and has been a gift … for your growth and awareness.
I never said this dear human thing was “easy” to hear or “easy” to be with … here is some good news, neither is it “hard”. Humans are good at labeling everything (we seem to “need” to do this) and thus you see a lot of quotes (air quotes so to speak) in my writing to call attention to our labeling as a species.
Some relationships, dear ones, may be “experienced” (or interpreted) as awful, diminishing, hurtful, angry, resentful, abusive (add your labels here).
So that you may have insight into my “authority” on this topic … I have a set of experiences as a child that are considered by current day humans as “traumatic” and “abusive”. I am not making light of this by using quotes. My 4 – 8 year-old self experienced circumstances, events and language by humans that he would not consider “light” and that he considered painful both physically and sociologically.
I am not sharing those experiences here but I do have a blog / blogcast in the works to share with you how our experiences lead to beliefs and how those beliefs lead to behaving that result in what we create in the world. Pragmatic understanding and creation inside our humanity is what I speak, write and coach on after all. :-)
So, I can most assuredly share with you that indeed, every relationship is a gift of awareness of self and the wholeness we share as a humanity … if you look … if you own your human experience and take responsibility for who you are now and what you create now.
Every relationship can point to (and return us to) the wholeness we already are when we were born into the world. Before our parents, education and society taught us to control, seek approval and fear. Not to “blame” them, as they too were (are) blind to the reality of human conditioning and thus the “drama” we see and experience in the world … until you look … and create a new story and a new reality.
The gift, then, of every relationship, you ask.
Relationships are always a catalyst in exercising (teaching of, pointing to) our humanity, our instrument of being human and point us … home … into this wholeness. Seeing our “parts” and bringing them into the wholeness (integrity) we are.
It is in this wholeness that we find our power to fully express (our voice, our purpose, our calling).
Relationships, if we see them for what they are, gift us with creating an environment to help us understand the nature of being fully human … awake, aware, and accepting.
And you, dear human, are always in relationship with … you.
What am I learning about me in my relationship with my self? With my spouse? With my sister? With my co-worker? With my mother? With Life (the world)? What do I want for me (beliefs, experiences, outcomes, impact)?
Here is the good news, you are always in relationship with yourself. So, start there. Be curious about you. Why you behave the way you behave. Why you operate the way you operate. The results you are creating. The beliefs you hold. The impact you are having. What you want for your fulfillment in life … and … I invite you to also look at how you want to be of service to Life.
Next, look at your closest relationship outside of yourself. Friend, lover, spouse … perhaps, just perhaps (“ideally”) your spouse is also a friend and a lover … :-) … what are you learning about you in that relationship? What triggers do you notice in you? What do you notice in that friend, lover, spouse?
What is the gift of learning and growth in that relationship? How might you create it differently? How might you create you newly in that relationship?
So many questions, dear ones. The point here is to be curious about what you are learning about you in relationship. What values are you discovering? What emotions? What triggers? What ways in which you want to control, be approved, and seek security … at the expense of you and others.
Perhaps mostly … healing … what healing are you seeing that is now possible because the relationship with self (and through the eyes of others) spoke to you of an old wound that needs acknowledging and brought into the light of the now.
You, dear one, ripple in the world. When you do not allow your relationships (including with self) to help you see that ripple, you stay “stuck” and “wounded” and “blind” to your impact and the results you create in you and in the world.
Look beyond the meaning, the label, you have given the past and look to being “amazed” at this now moment and how things are without trying to explain them or that past.
Lastly and perhaps bravely, dear human, and when you are hungry, I invite you into examining Life itself. You as the “stuff of Life”. You being aware of Life (awareness) itself. Some teachers have called this the “Isness”, “Suchness”, “Emptiness” and being aware of THAT which is aware.
You are that.